By the time this goes up I will have survived exam season (hopefully). I hope, when this goes up, that I’m happy with how my exams have turned out and that if I am worried about any of my exams (cough all the maths ones cough) that I realise that I’ve done what I’ve can and that, regardless, the world won’t end. And I won’t either.
This year, although it’s only been five months (and seven months for you, wow), has revealed a lot to me. In particular I’ve taken steps to take responsibility for myself. How I choose to present myself to others, how I choose to present myself to myself, and caring for every problem I come across in doing those things.
You see, I’m reminded of the evil Death Note guy Light Yagami. I remember watching an episode where he was talking to Ryuk, and he was going through his calculations of the maximum number of names he could write in the Death Note. When Ryuk asked him about why he blocked out time for sleep, Light responded by saying that by sleeping his mind would be the most clear. I want that. Obviously not to murder a shitton of people by writing their names down in a book of death, but I want to do things that may make the process of achieving my goals a lot slower, but that would help me sustain a clear mind.
Now, a lot of things go into this. The first time I realised that I had some power over my mental clarity I googled ways to take care of myself. Writing in a journal, talking to others about my problems, sleep etc. What’s surprising is how part of making and maintaining a clear mind is taking care of my body and taking care of my relationships.
Feeling comfortable in my own skin is important to me. Feeling comfortable around people I love is important to me. Feeling comfortable in my own mind is important to me.
It’s a little difficult. But the sun’s out for longer these days. And, right now when you’re reading this, I’ve finished all my exams and had a good week to recuperate. I have faith in achieving this goal. And I hope I won’t sideline it for my other pursuits even if it seems like taking care of myself is getting in the way of achieving.
It’s a little difficult, but taking care of myself in my all-hustle world is an achievement.